Thankfulness

Russians do not celebrate Thanksgiving. You may say, "of course, it's an American holiday", but they don't have any holiday similar. When I tried to explain to them the concept of thanking God, or their family, friends, etc, for what they have, they struggled to understand the purpose. So many of their holidays are about enjoyment, celebration; self-focused holidays. I found this interesting too, in light of the fact that their society is supposedly so communal. I explained Thanksgiving as a time to stop the busyness of our daily lives and consider others; consider what they have been given and what they have to be thankful for. I encouraged them to thank someone for their friendship, love, and their journal assignment for the week was to write about something they are thankful for. I have yet to read these, but I will be interested to see what they wrote. However, if I ask this of my students, I must ask it of myself as well. What am I thankful for?
I can list the typical, God, family, friends, experiences, life in general, and of course these are WONDERFUL blessings, but I could go on forever about each one. Something I’ve been thinking about recently is being thankful for the privilege of being here in Russia. It is a privilege and I need to remember that when times get rough, when I get frustrated and discouraged, God has chosen me to be His witness here. There is no blessing bigger than that!
How can be show God that I am thankful that he has chosen me to be His witness? This is the question I keep coming back to and then go back and forth between feeling purposeful, and feeling extremely insufficient. I want so badly to develop relationships that will lead to opportunities to share my faith, to begin a bible study and to show others what God has done in my life, but then worry about time and feeling prepared and what my actual role as an English teacher/missionary in Russia really is. I often struggle with trying to find the balance between being a teacher and the desire to be a friend. I’m caught between needing to be fair to all my students and not show favoritism, but also be able to invest individually in certain students.
As hard as these frustrations are, I am thankful for them. I am thankful that God does not let me linger in my indecisions and confusions, but that He convicts me and calls me to action. It may be difficult to hear that I can do better, and then to actually follow through with my goals, but unless I vocalize these things, they will continue to fester inside my head and I will live in discontentment and self-doubt.
AND, I am thankful that I have a community of people who are supporting me in my time here and are praying that I will find the courage and strength from God to do what I cannot even imagine. I do not want to become apathetic. It’s easy for me to become so overwhelmed that I end up doing nothing. I am thankful for the desire in my heart to serve but I need to realize and embrace the power that comes from God to be able to act on that desire. May I not forget to be thankful for the struggles, for when I am weak, there He is strong.